Stitched up or stitched in? - Part 2

You might well be wondering what more there is to say about the matter of Saabine, but I do want to tell you how immediately and powerfully God has bolstered me with grace through this event.

Thursday when I returned home from the office was the first time I've really prayed since I got here. Oh I've prayed much, but this was the first time I really prayed and where it was like an open dialogue with God. Through the first period here I've been buffetted with loneliness and isolation (net going down, no phone, not knowing anyone, etc) and really it exposed to me a lot of how mediocre my spiritual could be at times when it drifts along. Being here as well I've not really done anything life-changing (for my life or others) yet, not seen where it will come into play. In fact what I have seen has generally led me to realise I have precious little to offer this nation in terms of common ground, and works of faith powerful enough to really lift people's eyes beyond the often suffocating pressures of their lives here. So really I've been praying to God, "C'mon! Do something with me and develop my faith, or this trip will be a pointless painful experience." Wednesday night (before I took the car in to garage) I began to see a little evidence of something coming. Reading The Pleasures Of God, by John Piper, has been good food for faith, pointing me to remember that from beginning to end it is all God's work in me - even to this point. As the Bible says,

"Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."

And,

"I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

God has never ceased to work in me and on me for one moment. Should He remove his buoying of my faith it would sink like a rock. The evidence that God has always done this is that I've endured and there is no endurance without it. For His own pleasure and the sake of His name God has carried this work forward of his own accord and own means for all time and will continue to do so for all time - God will do what I have asked, and is even the cause of my asking!

So, Thursday was the first time I've really prayed in that almost effortless way that comes when God is on you - not me trying to find something to say, but letting out what the Spirit has birthed in me.

The first thing to be faced was my whining about earthly trouble and inconvenice. God was directing me to real hope, not the hope of an easy life on this earth. It still amazes me how naturally I tend to want and even expect that when the Bible is replete with statements that say it is not so, that the road leading to life is narrow and hard, that in this world we will have trouble, that God is shaking this world so that the unshakeable will remain, etc. But real hope is for far more - for all things restored in the return of Christ and our heavenly inheritance in Him. I told God, "I don't want a small hope based in earthly things - increase my hope of heaven!" In the Bible the word hope is both a verb (something you do, e.g. I for heaven), but also a noun (e.g. heaven is my hope). When talking about it as a noun the Bible is always clear that it is a sure, certain, unshakable, imperishable hope - i.e. that the thing we hope (anticipate, or long) for is not in any way uncertain but instead a thing that already exists and will never fade away. "Hope" therefore never expresses lack of certainty (like, "I hope it doesn't rain later", but lack of possession of what we hope for. That's why the Bible asks, "Who hopes for what he already has" (Romans 8:24)? The Bible is clear that a rightly placed hope is a powerful thing that both honours God (to hope in anything else is idolatry) and motivates steadfast endurance (1 Thessalonians 1:3) in doing the works God has called us to. My hope is certainly far more aflame than before!

What these troubles with money do also is test my faith. Already I've had to battle with things just to get here and rely on God to help me get things sorted. He had always said that it was not just teething trouble, but that this sort of trouble and deliverance would characterise my time here throughout. As I'd already hinted before the fact that I might just live quite comfortably would be a bit of a barrier here too when it comes to identifying with the people I want to reach. While I don't pretend for a second that being a bit hard up at times makes me able to relate to people who live in shacks and often have to choose between shelter, clothing, and food, having a slight chafing is a good way to keep conscious that these people live with this and far worse all the time. While I may not fully understand it will help me not to be ignorant or presumptuous, so that's another bonus.

"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). Faith, it says, is like spiritual eyesight that gives assurance (just like regular eyesight does) and conviction of unseen (with the eyes) things. It's the evidence, not the conclusion from the evidence. Just as someone might ask, "What colour is the sky?" you would reply, "Blue." "How do you know?" they might ask, to which you could say, "Because I can see it!" Your sight is the evidence you need. So it is with faith - seeing things that cannot be detected with the 5 senses and ultimately needing no further proof (though further proof is always nice, because the question, "Am I seeing things?" is relevant for both kinds of eyesight!). So many of the things I say are faith evaluations - not meaning they're speculation, just that not everyone accepts the grounds on which they're made. When I say, "God is responsible for the situation I'm in" that's a faith evaluation.

The point is that I need a lot more faith! Faith gets built, it doesn't arrive from heaven in a package pre-assembled (generally speaking), and that's what is happening here. I both need to rely on God to make sure I have enough for my needs, but also need faith to continue to give what it's not "safe" to give. That last sentiment hits at the core of what I believe God has been saying throughout the last few months and in all these problems I've had and found solutions to. What makes something "safe"? Well, in terms of money we look and think that if we have a certain amount that that will cover us in the case of any forseeable problems. We trust that the money itself is stable in value/ability to help (which is so often is not!), also that it will stay where it is (not stolen, defrauded, etc), and that it will be enough to help. So we trust that it is stable in power and availability to help. It's not an assessment without merit, but it's far from the full story. The Word of God says that, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Matthew 4:4). It's commonly said what it means is that we need God's word more than food (which is true), but the context Jesus quotes it from in Deuteronomy confirms that what it means is that man doesn't live by the power of bread to provide life to him, but by God's say-so (word) - his deliberate activity in all things to do what He wants them to do. God is orderly and makes the universe to run according to a certain order (so bread tends to feed you, things that go up come back down, etc), but it's one He's free to change at any moment, just as I can rearrage my CD collection. So Jesus was saying, after 40 days of not eating, "I don't need to make bread in this case because God is showing me that I don't need that to live - it's just a means by which my Father gives his care to me" (after this time he continued to use the regular means that you and I use!). So it isn't the breadiness of bread that sustains Jesus, it isn't the fact that money has some power to sustain me, and it isn't that air keeps me alive by it's own power. These things all do something, but the reason is not in themselves, but in God! That's the lesson!

(Darn! I need the ability to put footnotes in! Okay, when you see things in this format, feel free to skip over them! Anyway, I know some systems of belief thing along similar lines, but go crazy in that they would say things like, "If you throw a ball into the air it might come back down, or it might decide to suddenly go sideways, etc.... it all depends on what God decides to do with it!" As such things like science and learning how things work in such contexts are impossible because they work according to no order or pattern in a general sense but according to the random will of God. But God is not random! He is ordered even in what He is, and He has no curiosity to satisfy by doing weird things, He doesn't change, etc. Hence I can believe that God deliberately chooses everything, but still live a generally everyday life setting alarm clocks, cooking, driving, etc!)

So my VISA and all its requirements that I needed did not get sorted out because the systems and things I used had the power to do it, but because God had said, "I am sending you to Hope Church Durban!" and so made everything else to serve that purpose. So when I see food on my table, or I enjoy good health like I did yesterday, it truly is God I have to thank. Also it means faith is not only expressed but built. When you see God's works of love and care at every step of your life it helps you believe for a few more!

And that's where this is headed. I believe all out that God does miraculous works - not just unlikely ones (what people would generally call providences or coincidences), but ones that defy all non-God-centered logic, like storms being stilled at a word (Mark 4:35ff), or people unable to walk getting healed and discarding their wheelchairs, or people with sight disorders that meant they could never read being able to read instantly because God has healed them (like at Newday this year). I know there are phonies out there, I know weird stuff happens everywhere, but I believe it is God and God alone that does them (whether people know it or not) and I believe He does them primarily through His people and in the name of Jesus. It's a "faith evaluation", but also one that I increasingly see confirmed all around me en masse. Anyway, for the last couple of years I've moved from a general skeptic to someone who believes God would do such miracles in his own life. At present I have seen no one miraculously healed through my ministry though and that's a plain fact. Mostly I've been too tentative to actually pray for people, but when I have it has yielded no results. I must continue to believe what God has said however!

One of my main reasons for coming to South Africa was that the brothers we know here seem to do more of this stuff than people we know in the UK - seeing healings and also seeing people change their lives in response to preaching the gospel. I realise I need to learn, and you learn from people who know. It looks so far like I'll not have anyone who'll be a consistent challenge to me, but I will have a challenge here, I'm sure, and I will grow in this thing.

So why learn that nothing happens but by the say so of God? Well because it means that miracles (as in the direct action of God on the physical world) happen all the time, and that any miracles "proper" (the uncommon direct actions of God on the physical world) are essentially the same thing! Nothing - not one thing - happens apart from God's sovereign action, everday things and miraculous things. People do not get healed because of the power of belief (big relief!) or by the power of prayer or by any power except the power of God! Prayer, and faith, are things that cause God to respond however, and faith is ultimately what he's after more than the healings and miraculous works. So what I must learn is faith, and that's what all this mess with Saabine is growing in me. I very much prayed beyond my circumstances and asked God to carry on growing my faith so that I believe him for all the works He wants to do.

Thus far I had prayed much about hope and faith. But as the Bible says, these are useless without love. Seeing more and more the needs, the people, the desperate state of the nation and the continent, I want to do something and know that only God has the resources to make a difference! I prayed that God would help me to get into the places I need to go to, to not stay secure in a cosy environment, to not give into fear of what might happen, but have faith that He will do all His good purpose for me.

May it be that my faith is increased and works more and more through love (Galatians 5:6), remaining steadfast in the hope given me through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ!